i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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