can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I will pee on everything he values.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
