OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
