Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
is that a dick in a sweater?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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