I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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