Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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