Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I currently don't understand fingers.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
