I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
