Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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