And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
