I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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