I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I bet he comes in French.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Randomize
