If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
