Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
