at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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