Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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