I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
