We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
