i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
