if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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