He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
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