lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
