I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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