Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
