you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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