I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
