I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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