Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
