i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
