the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
false alarm. still invincible.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
