Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
