he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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