I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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