I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
