Pants 0. Shit 1.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
