tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
a search helicopter?!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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