It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
