omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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