he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
