remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Come see our sink grown plant.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
