i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
