Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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