I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
