She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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