update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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