two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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