You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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