the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
