new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
