check it out our google latitudes are spooning
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
