i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
